Meditation is harder than it looks

The last couple of days I have been practising meditation regularly. Even before starting I realised it would be a challenge since analysing and philosophising is my brains default-mode. I looked for meditation music only to find out that most mediation music is crap, so I went with Amethystium (since I figured death metal probably wouldn’t help my cause). The night between Monday and Thursday was a hard one. I am an empath and I had attracted a lot of negative emotions due to a forum discussion and a terrible story my dad told me about a guy he knows. I figured it would be a great moment to practise meditation. First I tried a 15 minute session were I only focused on my breathing and tried not to “swirl away” from myself. It didn’t work at all. So I paused and then tried again and this time I allowed myself to “swirl away” (I honestly have no better way to describe it). While swirling I ended up on a station. But instead of buses or trains there were swans lined up. I wish I had looked around a bit more than I did but well, I climbed on of these swans. It was a bit awkward because I didn’t now where to place my legs or where it was ok to put my arms, the swan however didn’t seemed to care very much. It flew me to a place with thousands of glades, all separated from each other by forests. They all looked different from each other. Different seasons, different nature. The swan landed and left me in one of them. It was winter in my glade and snow where covering the ground. There were a pond in the middle of the glade and a rock formation which I climbed. I lay in the snow and listened to the bullfinches chirp until I felt relaxed and happy. Then I got into the pond (which were only frozen at the shores) and the water was cold but not in an unpleasant way. When I came to the centre of the pond I relaxed and let myself sink into it. I sank for some time until I reached my physical self again.

This really helped to remove my negative emotions though I’m not sure this is how you are actually supposed to meditate. One of the texts I read on meditation even said that you shouldn’t let yourself swirl of because it could be dangerous, but it didn’t state how or why it would be dangerous so I ignored that. I guess the lesson I’ve learned from this is; don’t follow the book, follow yourself. But then again, a lot of people has told me that I have to get away from my “I do what I want” attitude when it comes to spirituality or I will get hurt eventually. I’m not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, yes there are a lot of wise people in the world. But there are also a lot of idiots who pretends to be wise out there. For now I’m going to continue on my own path, listening to others thoughts and opinions, but not to self-appointed experts. The fools knows best as Virginia Woolf would probably tell me if she were around.


The Broom-Closet

Are you in or out of the proverbial “Broom Closet”?
Do those around you know of your religion/faith/beliefs?
Or is your pagan-nature something you have to hide?

I think the best way to describe it is; I’m in the broom-closet but I have opened the door so anyone can peer in at me. They can see me but they can’t sneak up behind me. I’m not so sure if all my friends or family know about my faith. I’m not trying to hide it but then again, everyone has always considered me a rather suspect, upside-down-person. People usually don’t care when I paint some Goddess in arts class or write about magick in biology class. When I force my dad to ship a log of wood through the entire country because “it has powers” he doesn’t even lift an eyebrow. I don’t think my parents knows about if for that reason. They’re used to my willfulness and doesn’t pay it any mind no more.

I should probably step out of the closet entirely though. Because why should there even be a closet to start with? That’s ridiculous. My Christian sister never stepped out of no closet. Paganism isn’t even very sensational any more. We are growing stronger. And who knows, there might be a lot of hiding pagans in my vicinity, who might make themselves known when they hear there are other pagans in town.

The (not so special) Blue Moon

To tell the truth I don’t really understand this Blue Moon hype. In my eyes it’s full-moon. Nothing more, but nothing less either. Sure, it’s the second of this month. But only because we have decided that August has 31 days. And it only applies to the Gregorian calendar (which, believe it or not, isn’t used by everyone in the entire world). If we had given August 30 days instead of 31 there wouldn’t have been a Blue Moon yesterday. Now, I do consider the moon magickal, but I don’t think she cares about our calendars. At all. She cares about coming and going in an endless circle. What I’m trying to say is that I think some people read way to much into a perfectly normal thing.

Actually I don’t even understand why the term Blue Moon even exists. The reason this happens sometimes is purely mathematical. It’s the same moon. And it’s not even blue.

Blue Moon by StamatisGR

Us Collectors

Last night I found trouble sleeping (as usual) and instead of staring into the roof I looked around for new podcasts to listen to. I found one called A Pagan Heart in Maine, aired by Greywolf Moonsong. In the first episode he was interviewing Michelle “Shelley” Hanson about shell divination. It was very fascinating and when Shelley spoke of collecting and studying things on default only to one day realize it means something more I just felt “wow, this is me!”. Actually I think this applies to many collectors.

I collect all sort of things and I never really thought about why I choose a certain object and discard another. I was really inspired to start looking at my collected things in a new way after listening to Shelleys story! Now, I don’t have any shells even though I live by the ocean. Actually I’ve never even seen one so perhaps they are rare in the Baltic Sea but this thinking can be applied to all sort of things, flowers, rocks, insects and so on.

This one, I actually stole from my mother of whom I inherited my magpie gene. A branch from her witch-hazel.

I’m not sure how other collectors are but I can loose all boundaries when going to a stony beach or take a stroll through the woods. I can spot a perfect cone from a kilometre away (not really, but you get the point). Anyhow what I found interesting is where in my home I have placed these objects after bringing them home. On my writing desk, for example, I have “always” had a really nice pine cone. I literary do not remember how and when it got there. This is interesting because when I searched for the meaning of pines I found this description in Jane Giffords book Wisdom of the Tree: From its lofty position above the tops of most other trees, the pine reminded ancient peoples of the importance of taking the overview, encouraging objectivity and farsightedness. We are advised to cleanse ourselves of negativity, neither dwelling on mistakes nor apportioning blame. Pine is a symbol of the elevated mind and the birth of the spiritual warrior.”  These are things I always think about and want to accomplish when I write! 

A really old thimble, a piece of heart-shaped coral and a stone with fossils.

A daisy from two summers ago, three favourite rocks, some flower and a fir cone.

The more I look into this the more interesting it becomes and I started adding things that were not actually collected to this project. For example I have a butterfly garland in my window, which I can see from all places in my home except the bathroom. I just kinda woke up one morning and thought; “Hey, I should totally make a butterfly garland”. After exploring the internet for some 30 minutes I’ve come to conclusion that butterflies represents freedom and courage. Two things I try to aim for but always have to remind myself about to not fall back in my old “don’t mind me I don’t even exist” pattern. I start every morning with opening my windows (yes, even in the winter) so these little symbols of independence is basically the first thing I see every morning!

Now, I realize this is starting to get a bit long but I’m having a serious spiritual realisation here! Are there any collectors who’s reading this? Have you ever tried to find a meaning with the things you surround yourself with? If not, you should totally give it a go!

What I believe in

The whole reason this blog exists is that I am not entirely sure what I believe in. This is my journey to find the answer to that question. However I do have a general idea concerning magick, deities and paganism. I do believe in spirits and think the world is full of them if you only take your time to look outside the box. I believe in Gods and Goddesses but I don’t acknowledge them at the moment, something I will explain at another time. I believe in a lot of entities and I have felt the presence of and have had brief contact with some.

I am very interested in hearing other peoples opinions and listening to others beliefs, no matter what they may be. However I will not accept hate or treats, something I have seen frequently in other blogs. I am the dictator of this blog, all opinions are accepted, but foul language and personal attacks are not. I want a blog were everyone feels safe when expressing their opinions.

I have never done this before but I hope it will work out as I wish. Welcome everyone!