Meditation is harder than it looks

The last couple of days I have been practising meditation regularly. Even before starting I realised it would be a challenge since analysing and philosophising is my brains default-mode. I looked for meditation music only to find out that most mediation music is crap, so I went with Amethystium (since I figured death metal probably wouldn’t help my cause). The night between Monday and Thursday was a hard one. I am an empath and I had attracted a lot of negative emotions due to a forum discussion and a terrible story my dad told me about a guy he knows. I figured it would be a great moment to practise meditation. First I tried a 15 minute session were I only focused on my breathing and tried not to “swirl away” from myself. It didn’t work at all. So I paused and then tried again and this time I allowed myself to “swirl away” (I honestly have no better way to describe it). While swirling I ended up on a station. But instead of buses or trains there were swans lined up. I wish I had looked around a bit more than I did but well, I climbed on of these swans. It was a bit awkward because I didn’t now where to place my legs or where it was ok to put my arms, the swan however didn’t seemed to care very much. It flew me to a place with thousands of glades, all separated from each other by forests. They all looked different from each other. Different seasons, different nature. The swan landed and left me in one of them. It was winter in my glade and snow where covering the ground. There were a pond in the middle of the glade and a rock formation which I climbed. I lay in the snow and listened to the bullfinches chirp until I felt relaxed and happy. Then I got into the pond (which were only frozen at the shores) and the water was cold but not in an unpleasant way. When I came to the centre of the pond I relaxed and let myself sink into it. I sank for some time until I reached my physical self again.

This really helped to remove my negative emotions though I’m not sure this is how you are actually supposed to meditate. One of the texts I read on meditation even said that you shouldn’t let yourself swirl of because it could be dangerous, but it didn’t state how or why it would be dangerous so I ignored that. I guess the lesson I’ve learned from this is; don’t follow the book, follow yourself. But then again, a lot of people has told me that I have to get away from my “I do what I want” attitude when it comes to spirituality or I will get hurt eventually. I’m not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, yes there are a lot of wise people in the world. But there are also a lot of idiots who pretends to be wise out there. For now I’m going to continue on my own path, listening to others thoughts and opinions, but not to self-appointed experts. The fools knows best as Virginia Woolf would probably tell me if she were around.

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