Oh Autumn!

The seasons are changing, the Wheel is turning, and Autumn is finally upon us in the Northern Hemisphere.
How are you celebrating? Feel free to share any workings you’ve done, your Fall altar, or whatever you choose regarding this new season.

I’ve already touched this subject earlier but I might just as well write a descent post about it. In Sweden Autumn is a season you have to enjoy every second of because you never know how long it will last. It might end next week for all I know (it’s October then after all). So, what will I do to celebrate this season? Well;

1. Learn how to cook. Because I don’t want to starve to death. I don’t know why but I have always thought of Autumn and Winter as a perfect time for cooking and baking and brewing. I’ve just started practising and I love it! I’ve already cooked blueberry jam and a mushroom stew. Next thing on the list is rowanberry gel and pumpkin pie (scary). The world supplies me with so many vegetables and fruits and this year I’m going to actually use them.

2. Acknowledge my creative vein. I have always been creative, especially in the fall (must be the darkness), but most of the time I discard my own work for not being as good as everyone else’s. I suck at art. I suck at jewellery making. I suck at pottery. I suck at wood working. But it still makes me happy to do these things so why not? And who cares if it’s ugly anyway? If no one did ugly things the pretty things wouldn’t look half as pretty, right? Which brings me to the next point:

3. Watch and learn from what I see. When I first got interested in spirituality and paganism I asked Google “How do you learn magick?”. The answer I got was that the best way to learn magick is to watch the world around us. The site gave a lot of examples as “watch a beautiful rose go from bud to flower, watch the stars every night” etcetera you get the point. It’s a good tip, except it should also tell you to watch those things that doesn’t seem beautiful at first sight. Like blue clay. Or Spanish slugs. Everyone knows that roses are beautiful, but can everyone see the beauty in weeds?

4. Walk my own path (and be proud of it too). I am so tired of following “the rules”. Actually I’ve never followed the rules but from now on I’m going to ignore everyone who blames me for it. You have no idea how disheartening it is to join a witch forum, upload a picture of your first altar and then the first comment you get is; “Your Athame is not even a real Athame”. Well thanks to you to Ms. Moodkiller87. Anyhow, I got over it and now I’m back in full force!

Those aren’t very traditional ways to celebrate the Autumn Equinox, I realise that, but It’s what suits me best. Besides, traditional has never been a word that describes me.

Pagan Pride

Pagan Pride Day is here. There were no gatherings or festivals in my area (or, as far as I know, in the entire country). I still want to write a post about Pagan pride. I was lucky enough to be born in Sweden, a country were Christianity is not considered standard. Being proud of my pagan beliefs have never really been a challenge. Partly because there’s a lot of pagans around and partly because people generally mind their own shit. Criticizing someone else for their religious beliefs is considered rude and unacceptable (criticizing religion itself however, is common).

I grew up in an area filled with rune-stones, residues from an ancient heathen cult, sacrificial pits and more. As well as all the stories about Siv and Oden and Freja etc. I grew up in a family were I met Muslims, Satanists, Buddhists and weird spiritual people. When I was 12 years old I actually had a friend who’s mother was a Wiccan. And of course the Asatruers, everywhere. Somehow I feel I don’t have anything to be proud of because I didn’t actually fight for this. It just happened and not a single person cared.

And maybe that’s the reason there were no Pagan Pride events held in Sweden this year. Because everyone felt the same. We don’t have to raise or voices because no one is trying to silence us. We don’t have to feel proud because no one is mocking us. We don’t have to claim respect because no one is disrespecting us.

So, to celebrate Pagan Pride I’m going to keep up with the events in other countries instead. Countries were these sort of things are needed.

A question on spirits or demons or angels or whatever it was

For a long time I have felt a presence by something/someone. It’s not remarkable but it’s almost always around, and it even has a name that flies through my brain sometimes. Last week was the first time I saw a glimpse of a physical appearance. It was late at night and I was strolling like I do when I can’t sleep. For a short moment I clearly saw something sit on the floor in my bedroom. After disappearing I tried to get another glimpse, but without success.

I really want to know what or who it is. It doesn’t feel threatening, but not  protective either. One clue however is that it sometimes follows me outside of my house so it’s not bound to this place. I have no friend or relative that have died, so it can’t be someone I know trying to contact me from the afterlife. But then what? Should I worry? I’m not a very vocal person so I’m not sure if I should try talk to it or what I would say.

I have no experience with things like this and have no idea how to act. Should I contact it? Is there any signs or peculiarities I can look for to determine what it is?

The Broom-Closet

Are you in or out of the proverbial “Broom Closet”?
Do those around you know of your religion/faith/beliefs?
Or is your pagan-nature something you have to hide?

I think the best way to describe it is; I’m in the broom-closet but I have opened the door so anyone can peer in at me. They can see me but they can’t sneak up behind me. I’m not so sure if all my friends or family know about my faith. I’m not trying to hide it but then again, everyone has always considered me a rather suspect, upside-down-person. People usually don’t care when I paint some Goddess in arts class or write about magick in biology class. When I force my dad to ship a log of wood through the entire country because “it has powers” he doesn’t even lift an eyebrow. I don’t think my parents knows about if for that reason. They’re used to my willfulness and doesn’t pay it any mind no more.

I should probably step out of the closet entirely though. Because why should there even be a closet to start with? That’s ridiculous. My Christian sister never stepped out of no closet. Paganism isn’t even very sensational any more. We are growing stronger. And who knows, there might be a lot of hiding pagans in my vicinity, who might make themselves known when they hear there are other pagans in town.

Where all fears comes from

I have always been a scared person. I am afraid of cars so I will never get a driving license. I’m afraid of buses and trains to so when I’m going somewhere I either bike or take one of the countless ferries we have in Sweden. Of some reason I’m not afraid of boats, even though I was once caught in a hurricane in the ocean outside Athens, Greece.

I am afraid of all dogs bigger than a cocker spaniel. It doesn’t matter if they look at me sweetly, ignore me or bark at me. I judge them equally anyway. When I was 14 years old I ran of to Thailand with one of my friends. We lived in a locals outhouse and one morning there was a tiger in their garden. I wasn’t afraid then. Or any other morning during the time we stayed there.

I am afraid of death but only, it seems, when it is not actually present. when I’m in a situation where I actually have reason to fear my life I get all sorts of feelings, but not fear. When there’s a tiger 2 metres away from you it’s sort of practical to feel fear. It’s not practical when you’re lying in you’re bed and start thinking about heart attacks. It’s only in moments like the second I get panic attacks, and it is starting to become a serious problem. I can’t sleep any more. I can’t live like a normal human being.  Because there are all sort of ridiculous things I have to avoid to not freak out.

The fall is here, the world is dying. I always get really depressed during the fall but this time I’m going to use this season to come to terms with death. Because no matter what I do or feel about it I will die in the end. Everyone and everything do.

What I believe in

The whole reason this blog exists is that I am not entirely sure what I believe in. This is my journey to find the answer to that question. However I do have a general idea concerning magick, deities and paganism. I do believe in spirits and think the world is full of them if you only take your time to look outside the box. I believe in Gods and Goddesses but I don’t acknowledge them at the moment, something I will explain at another time. I believe in a lot of entities and I have felt the presence of and have had brief contact with some.

I am very interested in hearing other peoples opinions and listening to others beliefs, no matter what they may be. However I will not accept hate or treats, something I have seen frequently in other blogs. I am the dictator of this blog, all opinions are accepted, but foul language and personal attacks are not. I want a blog were everyone feels safe when expressing their opinions.

I have never done this before but I hope it will work out as I wish. Welcome everyone!